Why This Is Us Made Me Rethink Finding My Birth Mother

There are a few major differences between Randall’s viewpoints on adoption and mine, though. For one, I never wanted to seek out my birth mother. When I was old enough to fully understand the story, my parents told me that my birth mother and birth father split up before I was born, so my birth mom gave me up for adoption so I could have a better life. In Korea, traditions are still upheld. At least at that time, children without fathers had a hard time getting into good schools, finding jobs, and being treated fairly. There's a strong chance I wouldn’t be writing this essay now if I'd grown up in Korea with a single mother. I'm thankful for my birth mother, but I don't feel any connection to her—my mom is my mom.

This Is Us did make me reconsider that stance, though. Watching Randall connect with his father, William, was one of my favorite storylines of the season, and it made me wonder about my own birth mother. I started asking myself: Should I try to contact the adoption agency that I came from and track her down before it’s too late? Will I regret it if I never meet her and tell her who I’ve become?

I know my parents would love to thank her for allowing them to know me, to raise me, and to love me. I can’t imagine what it would be like to sit down at a table with all three of them, maybe sharing a plate of japchae noodles and bulgogi. I've always loved cooking—I write about food for a living—but I don’t have any real expertise in Asian cuisine other than reading recipes online. What if my birth mother could teach me how to cook traditional Korean food? Does she even know how to cook? Does she also have a hard time eating spicy foods like kimchi or is that more nurture than nature? The Memphis barbecue scene with Randall and William stirred up all of these questions for me and a few happy, “What if?” tears streamed down my cheeks as I watched their trip unfold.

I still don’t know where I stand on finding my birth mother, but I love that This Is Us was able to make me at least rethink the idea. Whatever I decide, I know my parents will support me wholeheartedly. If I do move forward, I know she'll be welcomed as warmly into the Whitney family as William was into Randall's.