Sibling rivalry: Causes and how to handle it
When raising siblings, every parent has lofty ideals: we envision our little ones sharing clothes and toys, dressing alike for holiday photos, and standing up for one another against bullies at school. In essence, we anticipate that they will become actual BFFs.
But the truth is that raising several children means juggling widely divergent personalities and temperaments. There will be sibling rivalry. There will be bitterness and jealousy. There will be conflicts, some of which will be fierce.
Table of Content hide 1What is sibling rivalry? 2Causes of sibling rivalry 2.1Attention diversion 2.2Parent’s comparison between siblings 2.3Taking siblings as a threat 2.4Parents’ lack of attention to the issue 2.5Stress in parent life 2.6Gender preference 2.7Lack of sharing skills 3How to handle sibling rivalry 3.1Stay calm, quiet and in control 3.2Create a cooperative environment 3.3Celebrate individuality 3.4Treat kids fairly — not equallyWhat is sibling rivalry?
The jealousy, competition, and conflict between brothers and sisters are known as sibling rivalry. Nearly all parents with two or more children worry about it. After the birth of the second child, problems frequently arise immediately. Typically, sibling rivalry lasts throughout childhood, which may be quite upsetting and stressful for parents.
Sibling rivalry is a sort of conflict or hostility between siblings, whether or not they are connected by blood.
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During childhood, siblings typically spend more time together than with their parents. The relationship between siblings is frequently difficult and influenced by parental behaviour, birth order, personality, and individuals and events beyond the family. When siblings are highly similar in age, gender, or whether one or both are intellectually bright, sibling rivalry can be especially ferocious.
Throughout childhood, sibling rivalry is common, and it may be highly upsetting and stressful for parents. Although adolescents fight for the same reasons as younger kids, they are more capable of inflicting physical, mental, and emotional harm and receiving mental and emotional harm from one another. Teenage years are stressful because of physical and emotional changes and shifting relationships with parents and friends. Adolescents may see a rise in sibling rivalry to attract parental attention. A study discovered that siblings compete the most when they are between the ages of 10 and 15.
Sibling conflict can last into adulthood, and sibling relationships can evolve significantly. Siblings may become closer after a traumatic event, such as the illness of a parent, but marriage may drive them away, especially if the in-law relationship is tense. A third of adults say their connection with their siblings is competitive or distant. Rivalry, though, typically fades with time. At least 80% of siblings over 60 years old have close relationships.
Causes of sibling rivalry
Some of the causes of sibling rivalry among children are:
Attention diversion
A problem arises when one sibling receives more importance and consideration from parents than the other. It mostly affects the oldest child because it happens before the birth of the second sibling.
Parents always go above and beyond to make their children happy and attempt to satisfy all of their wishes. However, the eldest sibling feels overlooked when the younger siblings suddenly receive all the attention after their birth. He compares life’s comforts to the younger person and develops jealousy.
Parent’s comparison between siblings
Each child is unique in their abilities, interests, and talents. Parents should constantly support their children’s unique personalities and interests. Still, they choose one child as their favorite, typically academically successful, and constantly push the other siblings to be like him, leading to sibling rivalry.
Taking siblings as a threat
When an older child observes that the younger is receiving all of the attention and importance, he feels intimidated. They believe the new baby threatens their relationship with their parents because he has taken up all of the space and affection in the house.
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Parents’ lack of attention to the issue
Things get worse when family members observe sibling disputes but do not take them seriously since they perceive them as natural.
Stress in parent life
Sibling rivalry can also be caused by parental stress brought on by any economic or societal crisis. Typically, parents cannot devote enough time to each child, they remain depressed and avoid spending time with them. It has a slow poisoning effect on their minds.
Gender preference
One of the main causes of sibling conflict is the preference for one gender over the other. We all know that boys are more socially accepted or welcome than females in many societies. The patriarchy in this world, where men are valued over women, is pervasive.
Lack of sharing skills
Lack of sharing skills is another factor in sibling conflict, particularly when two siblings are the same age and gender. They typically share similar tastes in entertainment, attire, and sweets. When they were kids, their parents would split everything equally. They believe it would be exclusively theirs if they were alone, another source of sibling rivalry.
How to handle sibling rivalry
Sibling rivalry is inevitable but can be managed. Here are some ways to handle sibling rivalry as a parent.
Stay calm, quiet and in control
Be aware of what your children are doing so you can step in before a problem arises or escalates. Keep your composure, and your children will pick up similar skills.
Create a cooperative environment
Don’t compare your kids, pick one above the other, or incite rivalry between them. Create possibilities for collaboration and compromise instead. Don’t forget to lead by example as well. How parents interact with one another sets an example for how their children should interact. Children are more likely to copy their parents’ behaviour and view it as a suitable method of problem-solving if they witness you or your spouse slamming doors or having loud arguments.
Celebrate individuality
Children who believe that you value them individually are less prone to argue. Spending time with each child separately will help you avoid categorizing and labeling them and letting them know that they are special to you. If one child enjoys playing outside in the sunshine, don your sneakers and join them. Snuggle up next to the other youngster if they enjoy spending time reading their favorite book. Then, make certain that everyone has the time and space they require to be by themselves.
Treat kids fairly — not equally
Fairness is important to parents, but fairness isn’t always synonymous with equality. Your children’s specific requirements should be taken into account while choosing rewards and punishments. You don’t have to give two kids the same gift, for instance. Instead, give them a variety of toys that are appropriate for their age and interests. Such impartiality will be very beneficial.
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