Reader's Dilemma: I Confessed My Love For My Friend; He Rejected Me—and Talked About It On Air!

I've never been so hurt in my whole life and if this were any other guy, I would cut him out of my life and never talk to him again. He wants to "go back to the way things were," but I just don't know if I can. Now, I'm not only heartbroken, but have been devastated by one of the people I care about most in the world. I told him that I need some time to think, but that we need to have a real face-to-face conversation and get it all out in the air. It's hard for me to even think that a 10-year friendship could be over just like that, but I don't know what to do. My girl friends who don't know him personally say to just let him go, the ones who do know him think I should salvage the friendship. I don't know, is it possible to remain friends? Help!!!

And here's what I think:

It's possible to remain friends but…do you want to? I probably wouldn't schedule a face-to-face talk with him—it sounds like it's bound to get nasty and hurtful. Who cares whether he *understands your side *right now? He'll think about it someday and feel really bad.

But, I have never been in your situation, and I don't know all the details, so here's a little Socratic method for you, and hopefully you will arrive at an answer about whether to remain friends:

1. Do you enjoy being around him right now? I mean, he broadcast the situation on air (was he respectful and anonymous, or mocking?), which made you uncomfortable. You wrote that he said hurtful things to you when you were already down. Is he really that awesome?

2. Do you want to be friends with someone, no matter how great, with whom you have to "keep your feelings to yourself"? You had to "dismiss the whole thing" once already—how did that feel? Is it healthy to swallow your feelings because they weren't reciprocated? The feelings are still valid. You still have to exist while feeling them. You still matter. Wouldn't you prefer to be around someone with whom you can share all your feelings?

3. Is he compassionate? Why does he want you to feel "blame" in addition to feeling rejected? Is he sensitive at all to you?

4. Do you deserve to be miserable, just for the sake of having him in your life? Does he deserve to have you in his life?

5. Is this a beneficial friendship? He's drama (you fight); he causes pain. Maybe you were voted "Most Inseparable" in the high school yearbook, but I'll tell ya, 10-year-friendships come and go every day. I once dumped a 20-year-best-friendship for being toxic—and I feel so much healthier.

6. Don't you think this situation is unfair (and he's not making it easy)? Do you see that it's all on you—whether YOU can you get rid of or forget your feelings (something huge) for the sake of friendship (something kinda common)? Be honest, is that too much to bear? Is he asking too much of you or of any human—so that he can conveniently go back to "the way things were"?