KRAVITZ: While Luck recovers, Twitter’s 'Capt. Andrew Luck' reports from the front lines

KRAVITZ: While Luck recovers, Twitter’s 'Capt. Andrew Luck' reports from the front lines

Capt. Andrew Luck

Dearest mother –

I know not when I shall drill again. Once I fix the hammer of my sidearm, the trigger rusts and so on. Doleful.

Andrew

If you’re not one of the 91,800 people who follows Capt. Andrew Luck on Twitter, shame on you. Capt. Andrew Luck, a parody account that features the Colts’ ailing quarterback as a neck-bearded Civil War general who writes his worried mother on a regular basis, is a self-styled “Soldier. Colt. Simple Man.’’ And his scribblings, 140 characters at a time, are one of the few things to help followers stay sane throughout this psychodrama involving Luck’s wounded sidearm, um, right shoulder.

If you want to know the man behind the captain, well, good luck with that. I reached out to him in a direct message, only to be told he wasn’t interested in revealing his identity. “Just call me a West Coast journalist,’’ he said.

Dearest mother —
The unit marches toward Houston to battle a band of Texans and its foreboding Clown. Without my sidearm, I worry.
— Andrew

— Capt. Andrew Luck (@CaptAndrewLuck) October 31, 2017

So how about an interview?

“We can do it by DM or email,’’ he said. “Your call.’’

So email it was.

Dearest mother —
My shoulder bone continues to ail. I shall remain hopeful, but my sidearm may not fire for some time. Crestfallen.
— Andrew

— Capt. Andrew Luck (@CaptAndrewLuck) October 29, 2017

So I asked the mysterious Capt. Luck why he chooses to maintain complete anonymity?

“I just think it’s more fun if fans of the account don’t know exactly who is behind it,’’ he wrote. “It’s taken on a life of its own, and I want to keep it that way. Some of my friends know it’s me. Actually, one of them suggested I start the account.’’

Capt. Andrew Luck

Dearest mother –

I have received your care package of sweetened opossum strips and crow cakes. My otherwise dampened spirit rises.

Andrew

So how does a West Coast journalist become Capt. Andrew Luck?

“I came across a meme (profile picture) a few years ago in a collection of fun sports memes,’’ he wrote. “It was just the picture in a gallery, nothing more. I thought the Luck photo was hilarious and began to think of messages this character might write. I’m a goof, so I proceeded to text buddies these messages (letters) after games. They seemed to really enjoy them and one suggested I start a parody account – so I did. Now, I’ve seen it reported that a journalist at SB Nation created the photo-shopped image and did a few of his own letters to a faux Luck love interest before the reporter 'retired' the gag. Again, I didn’t know these existed until someone else wrote about my account last year and reported that. I used the meme, but all the writing is my own.

Dearest mother —
It is with a heavy heart I tell you our unit was again defeated. The Bengal men and fire captain proved too much.
— Andrew

— Capt. Andrew Luck (@CaptAndrewLuck) October 29, 2017

“Whoever photo-shopped the image – genius. I know there are other Civil War/pro athlete accounts out there, including other Luck accounts, but I just stick to my own, meaning I don’t read anything (tweets, stories) from anyone else. My account is 100 percent original content. As for dear mom, I did that from the very beginning because Luck is a goofy guy, and I never heard much of his personal life (dating and so on), so it made me chuckle more to think he would be giving mom updates from the field. Plus, I figured a mom would take care of her boy and send him care packages, which of course had to be over-the-top items.’’

Like these…

Capt. Andrew Luck

Dearest mother –

I have received your care package of squirrel-tail bread and salted skunk loin. My strength grows with each bite.

Andrew

As we speak, the real Luck is soliciting feedback from outside specialists to figure out how to fully heal his shoulder after January surgery. But the creator of the account knows there’s one full-proof cure for what ails the Colts’ quarterback.

Dearest mother –

Shall I return to the field this campaign, I know not. My bones yearn for action. Squirrel oil is my only hope.

Andrew

Squirrel oil? Why didn’t the Colts doctors think of that?

“That’s a miracle cure-all that just came to me one day,’’ he wrote. “I will say, of all the tweets from that account, people just go bonkers when I mention it. So delightful.’’

With Luck sidelined, it’s been a bit more of a challenge to find material for Capt. Luck’s letters to mom.

“It would be more fun if the real Luck was playing,’’ the author wrote. “But since he is with the team, it makes sense that he would write about his adventures week to week, so it’s still enjoyable. But yeah, it is kind of sad, too, in that I would love for the real Luck to be 100 percent and giving some 'firsthand' accounts from the field.’’

In the meantime, Capt. Luck continues to offer updates on his recovery.

Capt. Andrew Luck

Dearest mother –

The hammer on my sidearm has completely rusted. I shan’t be utilizing it for some time. My resolve now shaken.

Andrew

Hey, if you can’t laugh, you’ll cry. Capt. Luck is light, humorous reading in the midst of a dark and dreary football season.

“It means a lot to me so many people get a kick out of it, especially with this season being such a struggle,’’ he wrote. “If I can take the sting out a little, so much the better.’’

When our brave Captain isn’t writing his dear mother about his recovery, he is sending short notes from the battlefield every Sunday, or he’s commenting upon the Colts news of the day. Like when wide receiver T.Y. Hilton offered his thoughts on the play of the offensive line against Jacksonville.

Capt. Andrew Luck

Dearest mother –

As you’ll read through the news service, Cpl. Hilton cast aspersions on the unit front line. Disheartening.

Andrew

And then there was this:

Capt. Andrew Luck

Dearest mother –

Cpl. Hilton is a damn fine man and soldier. Battle fatigue and frustrations are only natural in long campaigns.

Andrew

Of course, the real Luck isn’t much of a social media maven. He’s heard of the account and hears it’s very funny, but, like we said, he’d just as soon read a book than mess around on Facebook and Twitter. For his part, the West Coast journalist would love to someday meet Luck and what he calls “his glorious neckbeard.’’

“I have been told by others who cover the team that he’s aware of the account which, if true, is pretty cool…as long as he doesn’t hate it,’’ he wrote. “I’m confident, if he has read some posts, he knows it’s all in good fun and in no way derogatory.’’

Capt. Andrew Luck

Dearest mother –

My shoulder bone continues to ail. My sidearm may not be viable until the turkey birds roam the land. Confounded.

Andrew

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Dearest mother —
I have received your care package of salted rabbit knees and pressed pig tales. The nourishment is embraced.
— Andrew

— Capt. Andrew Luck (@CaptAndrewLuck) November 1, 2017