How to Tell If He Really Wants a Relationship With You
Frances' first-date trick (known as her "Heartache Prevention Question") is simply to ask him, point blank, if he believes in X (X being your ultimate dream and goal, be it monogamy, marriage, having a family, or running away to join the circus). It may seem simple, but it's incredibly effective if you're prepared to really listen to his answer.
"On a first date, a guy's gonna basically say, 'I don't believe in love' or 'I'll never get married,'" says Frances. In other words, it's his most honest moment, and the time for you to ask questions and take the answers at face value without any interpretation of your own. If you're both looking for the same thing, you've made it through checkpoint number one.
*Curveball #1: The guy who texts you nonstop, way too soon.*It's good if a guy isn't afraid to get in touch, but if he launches into constant contact before you've even been on a date, it's a bad sign. "This guy's going to go into a full-court press right away. He will start texting you five times a day; he will try to completely occupy and dominate your time very quickly," says Frances. If this happens as soon as you exchange numbers on a dating app, before you've even had a single date, then you'll know he's just buttering you up for sex. "He will start creating a romantic fantasy via text that will allow you to feel like you're more romantically connected than he's earned by actually taking you out on dates. By the time he sees you, you feel like you've already been dating for three weeks. It's kind of like putting Miracle Gro on a sexual conquest. A guy who wants to really be in a relationship with you and is really ready for a partnership doesn't need to push like that. Guys who want to seriously date you want to see you in person."
On dates 2 and 3...
"On the second and third dates, what I like to have my clients do is really pay attention to how consistent he is. How long does it take him after the first date to follow up? It's really important if you like your suitor to thank him for the date while you're on the date—'Oh my God, I had so much fun with you, this was such a treat.' Express your gratitude and thank him on the date. You do not send a 'thank-you' follow-up text. What you want to see after the first date is if he really likes you too. You don't want to fill in the blanks and start connecting the dots yourself and driving the momentum of the courtship forward. You want to see if he likes you enough to court."
You may be tempted to reach out when don't hear from him, but "what you have to do is sit on your hands and not text, and see how long it takes him to follow up," Frances insists. It's not about anti-feminism and saying that women can't make the first move; it's about letting him express his true intentions. You know how you feel after a date, but, "If you proactively short-circuit a man's ability to chase you by chasing him, then you can't see his level of interest," Frances explains. Give him the opportunity to show you how he feels with no assistance or pushing or convincing.
