10 things you should never tell your girlfriend

They say honesty is the best policy, right? Well, not always. I mean, honesty is all well and good as a virtue, but then there’s something known as TMI – Too Much Information. Especially when it comes to the things you should never tell your girlfriend. This occurs when you exceed the appropriately set limit of information output and dive into things that, while they might impact the situation at hand, didn’t really need to be said.

It’s sort of like a man who stands accused before a court of law, and the charges are read before him; “two counts of battery and assault, and three for breaking and entering.” And the accused goes, “Just three? What happened to the remaining four I committed on Christmas Day? And so does this mean you didn’t find the five dead bodies at the last scene?” His lawyer will just be like…

I mean, it’s not like the jury will go, “Oh, thank you, mister, for your honesty. I wish we had more criminals like you. In fact, you’re discharged and acquitted. Go and sin no more.” No! All you’ve won is an extended trip back to the slammer, which is in fact a prelude to a longer vacation.

When it comes to a relationship, honesty and communication are arguably the most important skills of all, because having someone to confide in is one of the beautiful perks of a relationship. However, not every detail should be shared. Not every secret should be told, not for your own sake, but for your partner’s peace of mind.

That being said, I feel like this article is a trap, because now any lady that reads this will probably go back to their man and ask him the questions to follow below, and no matter any answer he gives, she’ll be convinced he’s lying because… well, see them for yourself.

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Table of Content hide 110. Trivial Family Drama 29. You Don’t Like Their Family 38. Your Family Doesn’t Like Her 47. That One Time You Fooled Around 56. Your Wild Sex Stories 65. Your Cheating History 74. She is Getting Fat 83. Compare Her To Your Mother 92. Remind Her About An Ex In a Special Moment 101. Relax!

10. Trivial Family Drama

Gisting with your babe about family things, such as emotional issues that you or some members of your family have faced, can strengthen your bond and let her know that you’re solid and empathetic, but that should be it. You don’t really need to go into how your cousin Kayode brought home a girl to meet his mother, and when she went into the kitchen, she added salt to indomie. That’s just casting your family in a bad light and might cause your babe to disrespect aunty Shewa when she sees her.

Personally, though, I think anybody that adds salt to indomie doesn’t deserve respect. Not unless they’re Lot’s wife.

9. You Don’t Like Their Family

Sure, your babe might complain about their family to you just to get some things off their mind, but just like it is with these people, it usually comes from a place of love. It’s not like they really hate them or anything. So when you join in on the gripe session and start rattling off about things you don’t like about them, especially that her shifty-eyed brother who looks like a failed yahoo boy, it will hurt, because it implies that you don’t like the people they love.

So unless they’ve done something very horrible or outrightly disrespected you, just be a shoulder for your babe to cry on. Let her vent, smile and laugh and do eeyah! where appropriate, but DO NOT! ever badmouth them. Try to imagine how you would react if the tables were turned before you respond.

8. Your Family Doesn’t Like Her

No matter how good a person is or how nice, there are some people that won’t still like them, and this is also applicable to your babe and your family. Not everybody in your family is going to like your babe. It could even be your immediate family, like your mother or one of your siblings.

But this doesn’t mean you should tell her, because it will cause anger and insecurity on her part and generate future problems and tension between her and your family. What you can do is let your family know that she is the one you have chosen, so they have to respect that decision.

7. That One Time You Fooled Around

Alcohol is a bastard; everyone knows that. And in an office space with friends that you see every day, especially if one of them is this buxom, long-legged Amazon that everyone is dying for but who is close with you, feelings are bound to sprout, which you do your best to smother all the time. But put those two together at, let’s say, an end-of-the-year party, and something might go down. Luckily, though, you came to your senses before anything actually went down.

But that doesn’t mean your babe needs to know, no matter how guilty you feel about it. Because while you’re assuaging your guilt, all you’re doing is making your babe feel paranoid that you might have real feelings for this other person since it’s someone you see every day. So while you can tell her about full-blown past relationships, leaving out a casual kiss here and there won’t hurt.

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6. Your Wild Sex Stories

Yes, you were a sharpshooter before the Lord found you, a fisher of women. Banga Lee! You did many things, from joining the mile-high club to cinema sex and a quickie in the restaurant bathroom. The list of your adventures probably looked something like…

Save it! Your babe will definitely not appreciate the mental image that comes with you being with another person; all it will do is tap into jealousy and insecurity.

Consider limiting your sexual history to how you want to use protection during sex, and whether you’ve been checked for STDs. Save the wild stories for you and your buddies on your night out.

5. Your Cheating History

We’re all human, so of course, mistakes happen. In the heat of the moment when emotions are running high, reason often jumps out the window. But that doesn’t mean you should tell your babe about this. Women are very emotional creatures, and while she might brush it off, she will never forget because she will be wondering that if you could do it once, what’s stopping you from doing it again?

So, yes, you deeply regret your two-timing and you’ve sworn never to do it again, but you should probably just keep this skeleton under lock and throw the key away.

4. She is Getting Fat

No, no and no! No! Do not do this! If there is one thing most women are, it is naturally self-conscious. Why do you think they go to great lengths to fix uncomfortable eyelashes and nails, and even wear those suffocating waist trainers? It’s all for us men, to get us to notice them, even if they themselves will never admit it.

So never, ever, utter those words, because even without you saying it, she’s seen the signs, and was probably already getting worried, so you telling her this is just a surefire way of destroying her self-esteem. Because attraction is physical, so this probably means she is losing those things that attracted you to her in the first place. Might not be it in your own mind, but that’s what she will think. So even if she is putting on weight, you can subliminally suggest she drop it by encouraging her to work out with you, or diet.

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3. Compare Her To Your Mother

The bond between a man and his mother is a special thing, and most men always look for traits that their mothers have in potential spouses. But families are different, and everyone is raised in different ways, so never, ever tell your girlfriend to do something like your mother.

Your babe has her own views and opinions, so if you want to change something, all you can do is tell her stories about how you were raised and how things have been done in your family. But never utter the words, My mum used to do x this way. If it’s so, why didn’t you marry your mum?

2. Remind Her About An Ex In a Special Moment

Not all relationships end on sour notes. Some do probably due to unforeseen circumstances, or sudden opportunities and others, and the time you spent together will probably leave you with melancholic smiles whenever you remember.

But never compare identical moments of then with your current babe, especially when you already told her beforehand about the said relationship. Guy, don’t do that. It is a hurtful thing for her to see that you are still thinking about the other person, and give the impression that if said person were to come back at that moment, you would probably leave her for them.

1. Relax!

Oh! This is probably the worst thing you can say to a woman in the heat of an argument. It’s worse than even yelling at her, because at least that means you’re taking her seriously. Telling her to relax means you aren’t; it means you just think she’s been dramatic and there’s no reason to be upset.

So if your babe is raging for all of hell to hear and you’re not in the wrong, don’t try this technique. You can match her fire with your own if you haven’t done anything wrong (which is unlikely), but more often than not, the best thing to do is to keep quiet and weather the storm, then make your case when it is settled.

You might also be tempted to tell her I love you as a means of placating her; most guys say this during a fight, and I have just three words. Wrong move, bro. Those words might mean a lot to a woman if said at the right moment, but during a fight, she doesn’t believe a word you’re saying because she feels that if you really do love her, you wouldn’t upset her. Leave your I love you till after the fight is over.

That being said, I hope my babe never stumbles across this article. I probably should have used a pseudonym.

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